Tribute to Teresa

Entries from Teresa's daughter's blog: (My thoughts are in orange):

August 27, 2007
Teresa, who hated dogs, had to be begged to allow her husband to get a dog to fill his empty nest:
November 26, 2007
Asked if Teresa and her husband were watching the BYU/Utah game. Teresa answered, "Hell, no!" [This is classic Teresa!]

February 29, 2008
Teresa has such a hard time breathing.

March 31, 2008
Poor Teresa is like a little child... she keeps forgetting that her father has died, and so we keep having to tell her and watch her live through her wracking grief over and over. I think that has been more difficult for me than actually having him die, and I hope that she starts to remember soon.
She readily embraces the "It's not fair" approach to life in many aspects, and I disagree with that strongly- I feel like if I focus on whatever I feel isn't fair, I'll be too busy looking at those things to see the blessings that fill my life.
But in this case, I will agree with her. To have to relive the death of your father over and over again is not fair- it's cruel, even.

April 2, 2008
There is no way Teresa's husband could have gotten her to the funeral in Texas without help. Teresa needs to be there or I don't think she would ever have any type of meaningful closure because of the difficulties she faces due to her brain injuries. This will be the first time that Teresa and all of her siblings have been together since 1979.

April 5, 2008
Teresa and her husband were supposed to fly home today, but Teresa is having so much fun that we've extended the trip until Monday.

April 8, 2008
Well, we're back. It's been an interesting trip, and not one that I would have the energy to make again any time soon. This trip was all for Teresa's benefit, and it seems to have worked- she's started to make peace with the passing of her father, and some of the other issues she's had with her family over the years.
But cruelly, this trip seems to have signaled the end of Teresa's walking anywhere. Up until recently, she's been able to walk short distances with assistance (albeit very wobbly). We put her in a wheelchair because there was too much walking to do, but it seems that that one week in the wheelchair was long enough for that final bit of strength to fail. Her core muscles have been deteriorating lately, and the doctors have said that once those start to go, the other muscles follow pretty quickly.
So we're ordering some wheelchairs for the home and we'll see how things go!

April 20, 2008
Something happened two nights ago to Teresa, and I'm not quite sure what. Her husband theorizes that it must have been a stroke or something similar in the night, because she's gone downhill so fast in the last 48 hours. Just that fast, she's lost the ability to feed herself and to even stand for more than a couple seconds at a time. Walking even one step is impossible, she sounds very drunk, and this evening she showed that she can no longer swallow her pills without great difficulty.
This has all come as quite a shock... I didn't think we'd be at this point for at least a year, but here we are after two days. Her body has interesting timing as she has an appointment with her neurologist on Monday. Hopefully she stabilizes out at some point.
Please pray for us.

April 22, 2008
We're in the middle of Our Week of Doctor Appointments, so hopefully we'll get things straightened out. It looks like this is kinda the final year or so for Teresa, and we're all trying to deal with that. Her husband is having a really hard time, so I'm trying to keep stuff together here. Blah to being a grown-up!

May 3, 2008
After all, she changed her daughter's diapers and wiped her butt more times than can be counted, right?

May 10, 2008
May 21, 2008
Teresa is now completely bed-ridden, with all of the things that entails. She can't feed herself, but it's better that we feed her anyways so she doesn't make a mess. We've had wonderful people from the ward coming over all the time to visit her, and she loves that. If you live in the area and know her, feel free to give us a call and stop by... it seems like this is the beginning of the end, so it's as good a time as any.

May 27, 2008
Teresa was taken to the hospital this afternoon... she's scheduled to stay there for at least four days, and hopefully the massive barrage of tests will explain some of the recent downturns. After that, we're looking at possibly hospice care.

June 2, 2008
Teresa's recent downturn (and by downturn I mean that her husband had started thinking about funeral arrangements) was caused by her liver randomly deciding not to process one of her anti-seizure medications, which built up in her system to toxic levels.
She's still in the hospital while the levels come down (they say she's supposed to be discharged either tomorrow or Wednesday), but we're going to have to weather the final discharge of the medication from her system at home, which may or may not cause her to have seizures. But we'll cross that crappy bridge when we come to it.
She is getting back (somewhat) to her usual self- we will actually be able to get her in a wheelchair! It's strange how that is a really exciting thing, but it is. I really have taken my ability to walk (and read and write and drive and speak and feed myself and everything else) for granted, that's for sure.
I don't know if I ever told everyone the cause of Teresa's problems in the first place- in case you don't know the back story, here it is:
When Teresa was 19 (right after she got engaged in 1979), she was diagnosed with a brain tumor the size of a large lemon and given 6 months to live (AFTER the surgery to remove the Cancer Lemon). She received extensive radiation, and married while she was still bald.
Over the years, odd things started happening- seizures when she was 28, a cyst when she was 32, mini-strokes when she was 34, walking issues when she was 36, on and on and on... it turns out that back in 1979 when the doctors gave her radiation, they gave her too much. Any tissue exposed to excessive radiation eventually deteriorates, and at this point Teresa (who is now 47) has the brain of an 80+ year old.
Anyhow, her problems are just going to keep increasing, but thankfully we've got her with us for a little while longer. Some interesting facts about her cancer:
-the majority of patients die within 5 years
-cases where people live for 15 years are rare
-we've had Teresa now for almost 30 years

June 6, 2008
The hospital decided to keep Teresa for awhile and have moved her to their physical therapy wing. She has a private room and will get to work-out every day, which will be good. But then again, hospitals suck in-general. Nothing better than getting there on "discharge" day only to find out- "JUST KIDDING, we're keeping her for another week or two".

June 10, 2008
Well, I guess Teresa is rocking the entire Physical Therapy wing world-- the program director today said her progress was "miraculous"! And it really, really is. Remember a few days ago when I said we might be able to get her back in the wheelchair? Today, she walked 80 feet with a walker. On her own. I am astounded... she hasn't just gone back to how she was in March, it's like she's gone back years and years. I love being able to talk to HER, not just some funny lady all doped up on anti-seizure medication. It's been a really long time since I've felt that way.
She's even remembering funny childhood stories, like this one where she tries to pull a joke on her daughter (which illustrates the daughter's Supreme Nerd Nature, in evidence at the tender age of 5):
5 year-old Emy: Mom, those veins on your ankle are really dark.
Mom: Oh those? Those are Very Close veins.
5 year-old Emy: (hesitates) Uh, mom... I don't think that's what they're called.
Mom: No, they're Very Close veins. You know, because they're very close to the surface.
5 year-old Emy: No mom, I'm pretty sure they're called varicose veins.

June 11, 2008
Teresa's progress evaluation today, and she's still making incredible progress... she dressed herself today (which hasn't happened in YEARS), and she's actually remembering some things!
YES! The woman who threw away her daughter's homework since the child was 12 is actually starting to remember some things! Her therapist said that she will always have a terrible memory (which was already figured because of the Cancer Lemon and the resulting hole it left in her brain... randomly, her daughter brought Teresa's MRI films to her 9th grade biology class and got extra credit which the daughter desperately needed as she'd been slacking off... thanks Teresa, sorry Mrs. Berger).
But to get back on track, some of her memory problems were caused by attention problems, not memory problems. So now we have all sorts of new things to try when they let her out.
Speaking of that, it'll be some time in the next 7 days, depending on what the Insurance Monkeys say.

Here's "High School Teresa"!! This is the Teresa I knew.


June 13, 2008
Teresa has a set discharge date of this Thursday! YAY!

June 18, 2008
Teresa comes home from the hospital tomorrow! After almost a month in, ugh!

August 3, 2008
Remember that whole Teresa-in-the-hospital-because-of-phenobarb-toxicity episode?
Well, we have more medicine drama. I've been thrust into the world of barbiturates, benzodiazepines, which ones are considered hypnotics, which ones are anxiolytics, which ones will act as anticonvulsants as well. Some even act as anesthetics!
"And by the way, what level of awareness do you want your mom to have?" "......Uh......"
Fun fact 1: Barbiturates have urea in them. Gross.
Fun fact 2: They don't call them Grand Mal seizures anymore. Now they're tonic-clonic seizures. Not quite as dramatic as Grand Mal, but more fun since it rhymes.
Rhyming medical conditions... guarantees laughter at the most inappropriate of moments, EVERY TIME!

August 21, 2008
It was on this day that I thought I'd "google" my old friend Teresa to see what she might be up to. The only hit I got back was her name listed in her father's obituary from her daughter's BLOG last March. I was surprised to read that her dad had died, but as I scrolled through the BLOG, my heart sank as I read these entries of what was happening to my old friend, whom I haven't seen in 30 years. I immediately replied to the BLOG, telling who I was, wondering if Teresa would even remember me, and leaving my phone number. The next day I went to girls camp, where I am the lifeguard. A week later, I came home and listened to my phone messages. There was one from Teresa! She was so excited. She said, "Hey, Terry! It's Teresa! Call me when you can. I can't wait to talk to you!" And her daughter, in the background, had to remind her of their phone number. Teresa's speech was slurred from multiple strokes and it broke my heart. But I couldn't call her back fast enough! We talked and laughed for about two hours and had the greatest time renewing our friendship after 30 years! Just before we hung-up, we told each other how much we loved each other and she sweetly said, "Can I ask a favor: Will you call me every week?" "Of course I will!" And so I did. Sometimes the conversation was just one sided when she was having a "bad" day, so I'd tell her a funny story, and then tell her I love her and that I'd call her the next week. But her husband and daughter always told me, "You should see her eyes light-up when we tell her it's you on the phone!", and I knew our friendship really brought her a lot of joy, and it did me, as well.

August 24, 2008
Speaking of Teresa, despite the million times (literally) we/her therapists/her doctors have told/pleaded/begged her to not even stand up without assistance, last night she decided a solo trip to the bathroom was in order. You all know what comes next. ....THUD.... Followed by frantic running by her daughter from one end of the house and her husband from the other. Teresa has a nice 10-inch laceration in the middle of her back (thanks, giant sharp-cornered tub!). This sort of thing keeps happening over and over again.
Yeah, Teresa has short-term memory issues, but this isn't one of those. She just doesn't want to listen. I guess it's because she's frustrated, too- what adult wouldn't be, having basically all of their freedom taken from them? I wish she could be able to realize that we're just trying to keep her safe, and it's all out of love.

September 24, 2008
Here's a little gem I overheard the other day...
Teresa: (referring to my dogs, Robin and Blake) "Oh, the black one and Blank?"

October 14, 2008
The results of Teresa's latest attempt to get out of bed on her own. "But I thought if I just slid out, it would be safe!" Well, the corner of the nightstand disagrees with you.
October 30, 2008
Oh, in other exciting news, the home care people are coming tomorrow for Teresa's Great Catheter Adventure, which doesn't sound fun but ought to make everyone's lives a little easier.

November 7, 2008
I often wonder why people think it's a big deal that I'm taking care of Teresa. It's not really that hard, I think to myself. But sometimes, I realize that I just spent the whole day trying to assure a terrified woman that she's in her own house, in her own room, in her own bed, and that she isn't lost. I realized that I had to turn my head so she wouldn't see my tears and cover my face so she wouldn't hear me cry.

December 25, 2008
Well, Teresa will be starting hospice care on Monday, and we've started looking at making some decisions regarding final arrangements for whenever the time comes. I would imagine it'll come sooner rather than later. We've all talked about it and we'll be completely shocked if she lasts more than a week or two.

January 18, 2009
Teresa is now in hospice care, which basically entails a huge workforce of people ensuring that she is as comfortable as possible. This includes baths, washing her hair, taking care of her medicine... she even gets a massage once a week!
These people are great... the other day after the aides had left, she looked at me and said with a big grin on her face, "Today has been wonderful!" It's funny, I can't even type that quote without tears in my eyes... Teresa has been so unhappy for so long, and to have her feel like she's having a wonderful time is priceless! We don't know how much time she has left, but we think it's probably just a matter of months, and her enjoyment of that time is really important to us.

January 21, 2009
Teresa had a seizure today... it wasn't bad, just surprising that it broke through her anti-seizure medication. We're pretty sure this isn't the first one she's had, just the first one we've seen happen.
I don't think I've gone into much detail about her condition... Teresa is where she is right now because of something called radiation necrosis. She had a large brain tumor when she was 19 (in 1979) and it was removed surgically and then treated with radiation. Radiation therapy wasn't an exact science back then, though... so she got too much radiation. Tissue that has been exposed to too much radiation will eventually start to break down since the radiation damages blood vessels and all sorts of other stuff. Her brain has worse deterioration than an 80+ year old's, and that's the underlying cause of the seizures and everything else. There's also a huge risk for stroke at this point. So anyhow, that's a quick rundown of where she's at.

January 30, 2009
So I've been having a very hard time dealing with Teresa's condition lately. As she gets worse and worse, I just keep wondering: "WHY? Why can't she just pass into the next life? She's gone through so much pain and anguish. She's close to the end, and yet she keeps lingering on. Why?"
I know that we're supposed to acknowledge the Lord's hand in all things. But when I think of that, it's hard not to get angry with the Lord... which is not where I want to be. I believe in a loving and kind God, and I don't want to be mad at Him.
But I keep having the same problem... it's easier to deal with Teresa's problem as a random fluke that just happened to her... something the Lord didn't cause or prevent, but just something that happened. If I start looking at it as the Lord having a hand somewhere, it's hard for me to not want to shout to the sky, "OK! Have a hand in taking her home already, won't you??"
So how can I come to better terms with this whole mess?

February 11, 2009
Teresa's husband is the proud owner of a brand-new hernia from moving Teresa around so much. It doesn't help that she has been particularly mean the last couple of days... sometimes this job is blah!

February 23-25, 2009
I went to visit Teresa for the first time in 30 years. We had the BEST TIME together! She was so alert and talkative. I read to her and told her stories of funny things that have happened to me. Once she said, "I can't believe all the things you are telling me", and I replied, "You're the perfect friend--you have no short-term memory, so you can't tell anyone!" I asked her if she was excited to see Jesus, and she said she was. I asked her if she was afraid to die, and she said, "Kind of". (From this, I think I had the answer to her daughter's question about why Teresa wouldn't pass-on-- I told her that I think Teresa's own will is keeping her here. This was news to her husband and the following Sunday, the Stake President gave Teresa a blessing telling her to relax and let go, that her mission is over.)

As I walked into Teresa's room each morning, this is how I viewed her. It was heartbreaking! She is looking at her engagement portrait. Her husband had just recently hung it there and, even though she was blind, she looked toward it all the time. She was so excited to have it there. She told me it was her "high school picture". She knew it was her engagement portrait, but the right words wouldn't come to her.

I sat beside Teresa and watched her as she dozed.



At mealtime, Teresa's husband had to feed her, but she couldn't remember how to chew and swallow, so her husband would say, "Be a little bird", and Teresa would look so cute, looking at him with such love in her eyes--such trust--and open her mouth to take a little spoonful.

After the above picture was taken, I handed the camera to her husband and told Teresa to look at the camera and smile. She exclaimed, "I'M SICK!!!" We all laughed and I told her, "I'll be sure to write "Teresa was sick" below the photo!" So here you are...

"TERESA WAS SICK"

March 4, 2009
Teresa is saying that she can see people in her room that aren't actually there.

March 8, 2009
Tonight Teresa has entered a semi-comatose state and is mostly non-responsive. If this continues, we won't be able to give her her medicine and it'll only be a matter of time.
It's strange... I've known this was coming for a long, long time... but it always seemed to be an eventuality, not something imminent. Now that it's looming on our doorstep, I'm having a much harder time with grief than I thought I would. I guess it's natural to wish for just one more conversation, or one more chance to tell Teresa I love her and have her tell me she loves me back.

March 9, 2009
Well, Teresa is still in a semi-comatose state. I'm pretty sure that she isn't going to be pulling out of this... after all, we all know where this is heading.

March 12, 2009
The overall consensus is that Teresa had a stroke on Saturday, which put her in a coma for the weekend. It was bad enough that we all gathered around her and said our final goodbyes.
But she's become a bit more responsive now, at least to the point where we can get her medicine in her, which is good. It's torturous though, to see her go to the brink of death and to try to prepare for it as best I can, only to have her come back a little. This has happened so many times in the last year I can't even count them anymore.

March 14, 2009
Well, Teresa has decided that she doesn't want to eat, drink, or take her pills tonight. A very frustrating, very deliberate thing. It's also kinda agitating that she won't talk to us, but she will yell out the "S" word if she's moved the wrong way.
Hopefully she'll take her medicine tomorrow, since she's going to start having seizures without it.

March 15, 2009
Teresa is completely non-reactive today and has re-entered the land of the semi-coma, but the hospice nurse thinks it unlikely that she'll become any more responsive. She isn't aware enough to take any food, water, or medicine.
They've given us some pretty potent liquid medicine that will absorb right inside the mouth to keep Teresa comfortable, which is the very most important thing. Hopefully these new medicines will stave off any seizures that might be on their way.

March 16, 2009
Teresa has downgraded from semi-coma to coma. She's having trouble breathing, so Hospice has us giving her morphine to help with that.

March 16, 2009
The Hospice nurse says that Teresa is on her way and it should be by the end of the day, maybe as soon as in a few hours.
But wonderfully, almost all of Teresa's close friends have been able to stop by and say their goodbyes! We've had at least 20 people come through in the past couple of hours (and many more are on their way), and it has been so comforting for me because I know that Teresa would just be thrilled! She loved her friends, and this is just how she'd want it to be.

March 16, 2009
I made certain to be home today at 4:00 because I wanted to see something on OPRAH about the inside of Buckingham Palace. The story ended at about 4:30. As soon as it ended, I read the above note on Teresa's daughter's BLOG and IMMEDIATELY picked up the phone and called to say good-bye to my dear friend. Teresa's husband answered the phone. He said she was in a coma, but he thought that there was a chance that she was still able to hear, so he put the phone to her ear. I sobbed, "Teresa, I love you! I LOVE YOU!! I'm so sad that you have to leave! I'll see you soon. Good-bye." And I just sat there crying until Teresa's husband took the phone back. As he did, I heard their daughter in the background saying, "Mom! Mom!! MOM!!!" and her husband said to me, "I think she's stopped breathing again. I've gotta hang-up." Within a few minutes, Teresa's daughter posted the following:

March 16, 2009
4:38 p.m.-- Mom's gone.

March 16, 2009
If I had not made a point of being home at that time, I would have completely missed saying good-bye to my old friend and I would have regretted it for the rest of my life.

Teresa's husband's wrote to me:

"Teresa died in my arms Monday afternoon at 4:38 pm. She wasn't in distress or pain. Several things led up to the final moments, which caused me to pick her up and hold her, with her head on my right shoulder. She felt so fragile. I whispered how much I loved her; how hard things would be without her; how much less I would be without her. Nonetheless, I told her that if she needed to move on, then she should go. Go skipping along and see her father, her grandparents, my grandparents, and all the others I can see in my mind's eye who were gathered to greet her.

After a few seconds, she took one more breath and exhaled. Then her heart stopped, and her spirit fled its prison. I felt her pass. I knew it was over.

Now, she is finally free. After so many years of being unable to see clearly, move vigorously, or remember vividly, she can now do all of those things and more. She no longer has to worry about the squares on the sides of her head that had no hair (even though she still had more hair than two adult women).

Radiance, beauty, and grace are just some of the words I would use to describe her if I could see her now. The image I have created in my imagination is probably a poor runner-up to what she really looks like, and more importantly, what and who she really is.

I thank God for the tender mercy He extended to me in letting me hold Teresa next to my heart as hers stopped; as she passed from this sorry realm into the next.

Now, it is all up to me. She has done her part valiantly. My main prayer is that God will enable me through His great grace to hold fast until I meet her for the grand tour. Then things will be complete, the circle will be closed.

That's about it. Simple. Beautiful. A tender mercy if ever there was one."

March 17, 2009
Teresa's funeral will be this Saturday. Please, if you're in the area, come and help us celebrate mom's life.

March 19, 2009
OBITUARY--
Teresa Lynne Bement passed away Monday, March 16, 2009, at her home, in her husband's arms, surrounded by loving family members and friends. She died from complications resulting from a brain tumor. She was 49. Teresa spent the last 29 years married to Michael Bement, the love of her life. In addition, she is survived by her daughter, Emily and son-in-law, Brenden, who are expecting Teresa's first grandchild; her daughter, Amanda; and her son, James, as well as Michael's parents, J.C. and Colleen Bement. She is also survived by her mother, Joyce; three brothers, Lance, Milan, and Nathan; and three sisters, Marina, Kara, and Natalie. Teresa was preceded in death by her father, Alfred, who died a year ago. Teresa was born in New Jersey on Nov. 9, 1959, the third of seven children. After living in Minnesota and Texas, Teresa attended Brigham Young University, where she met her husband. After becoming engaged, a large brain tumor was discovered. Following surgery, Teresa was given six months to live. Teresa defied all expectations and through her courage, spirit, and tenacity, lived 30 years. She lived in many places across the country, as well as in Singapore, where she developed a great love for Asian people and culture. As a mother, she was incredibly dedicated to her children, and chose to stay home and raise them instead of pursuing a career. More than anything else, she loved her husband. For Teresa, the most important thing was her family. Everyone who knew Teresa will remember her quick wit, ready smile, and infectious laughter. Teresa was a life-long, dedicated member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS). A viewing will be held beginning at 9:30 a.m. Saturday, March 21 at the LDS chapel in Doylestown at the corner of Chapman and Ferry Roads, followed by services starting at 11 a.m. She will be interred at East Lawn Memorial Hills in Provo, Utah on Wednesday, March 25. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made in Teresa's name to LDS Humanitarian Services, P.O. Box 27188, Provo, UT 84602 or at (800) 525-8074. Online condolences can be made at the Web site listed below. Shelly Funeral Home, Warrington. www.shellyfuneralhomes.com

From the DESERET NEWS--

Teresa L. Bement
Teresa L. Bement 1959 ~ 2009 Teresa Lynne Bement passed away Monday, March 16, 2009 at her home, in her husband's arms, surrounded by loving family members and friends. She died from complications resulting from a brain tumor. She was 49. Teresa spent the last 29 years married to Michael Bement, the love of her life. She is survived by him as well as her daughter Emily and son-in-law Brenden, who are expecting Teresa's first grandchild, her daughter Amanda, and her son James, as well as Michael's parents, J.C. and Colleen Bement. She is also survived by her mother, Joyce; three brothers, Lance, Milan, and Nathan; and three sisters, Marina, Kara, and Natalie. Teresa was preceded in death by her father, Alfred, who died a year ago. Teresa was born in New Jersey on November 9, 1959, the third of seven children. After living in Minnesota and Texas, Teresa attended Brigham Young University, where she met her husband. After becoming engaged, a large brain tumor was discovered. Following surgery, Teresa was given six months to live. Teresa defied all expectations and through her courage, spirit, and tenacity, lived 30 years. She lived in many places across the country as well as in Singapore, where she developed a great love for Asian people and culture. As a mother, she was incredibly dedicated to her children, and chose to stay home and raise them instead of pursuing a career. More than anything else, she loved her husband. For Teresa, the most important thing was her family. Everyone who knew Teresa will remember her quick wit, ready smile, and infectious laughter. Teresa was a life-long, dedicated member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. A viewing will be held Tuesday, March 24, 2009 at Berg Mortuary at 185 East Center Street in Provo from 6:00pm to 8:00pm. She will be interred at East Lawn Memorial Hills in Provo, Utah on Wednesday, March 25, 2009. Condolences may be sent to info@bergmortuary.com. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made in Teresa's name to LDS Humanitarian Services, P.O. Box 27188, Provo, UT 84602; or at (800) 525-8074.

March 19, 2009
Today I went to the mortuary to dress Teresa for the funeral.
I've been able to keep my composure for the most part mainly because I've thrown myself into planning her funeral. At the same time though, I've been running away from some aspects of this whole thing because I'm afraid it'll make it more real.
After Teresa died and she started to get these awful giant bruise-looking spots on her arms from the blood starting to settle, I covered them up with a blanket so it just looked like she was sleeping.
Every time I would look at her, I swore I could still see her breathing. You know, because she was just sleeping.
When they came to take her to the mortuary, I couldn't watch them take her out of her home for the last time. Instead, I hid in my bedroom and snuggled with the dogs.
The first time I walked into Teresa's bedroom after they took away her hospital bed, I had to stop outside the door and take a few deep breaths before I could go in.
So when it came time to dress her, I was really afraid to go. I didn't want to regret anything though, so I went.
I'm really glad I did.
Dressing Teresa was surprisingly not difficult. I think it helped that I've been dressing her in her immobile form for a long time, so the actions weren't unfamiliar. It also helped that she looked really good even before we put her makeup on, and now that the makeup is on, she looks completely like herself. I'm really, really glad I went.
The only hard part was that afterward, when I had a few minutes with her by myself, I kept thinking she'd just wake up and talk to me.
I really miss talking to her.

March 21, 2009
The funeral was truly beautiful, with beautiful flowers and music and lots of laughter as friends were invited to go to the pulpit and share their memories of Teresa. Laughter is the best medicine for a grieving heart. It was a lovely tribute to a lovely woman who loved to laugh. She will be buried in Utah on the 25th. Then, it will be over. Thirty years of tests and medication, sadness and frustration. It was time. She has moved-on.

Gone From My Sight

I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship, at my side, spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until, at length,
she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky
come to mingle with each other.
Then, someone at my side says,
"There, she is gone".
Gone where?
Gone from my sight. That is all.
She is just as large in mast, hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me--not in her.
And, just at the moment when someone says,
"There, she is gone",
there are other eyes watching her coming,
and other voices ready to take up the glad shout,
"Here she comes!".

Henry Van Dyke